Great question! Being your own person is very important for a healthy and fulfilling relationship because it allows both partners to show up as their full, authentic selves. In turn, this prevents resentment and codependency, fosters growth personally and as a couple, and maintains attraction to and connection with the other person. Here are some ways to do it:
1. Prioritize Your Personal Interests & Hobbies
- Continue doing the activities you love, whether it’s painting, playing sports, writing, or traveling.
- Try new things independently to keep growing as an individual.
2. Maintain Friendships & Social Connections
- Stay connected with friends and family outside of your marriage.
- Have solo hangouts or outings with your friends to nurture your own relationships.
3. Set Personal Goals
- Keep striving toward your own career, educational, or personal development goals.
- Have ambitions that are separate from your role as a spouse.
4. Communicate Openly with Your Partner
- Share your needs and desires with your spouse so they understand the importance of your independence.
- Encourage them to do the same so you both have space for individuality.
5. Have Alone Time
- Spend time by yourself to reflect, recharge, and reconnect with who you are.
- Take solo trips, journal, or simply enjoy quiet time alone.
6. Make Decisions for Yourself
- While compromise is essential in marriage, ensure you’re still making choices that align with your values and desires.
- Don’t lose your voice—express your thoughts and opinions confidently.
7. Keep Your Own Identity Within the Relationship
- Avoid defining yourself solely as a “husband” or “wife”—you are still you with unique thoughts, emotions, and experiences.
- Embrace both your shared identity as a couple and your individual self.
To summarize:
Maintain your personal identity in marriage by nurturing your interests, setting personal goals, maintaining friendships, and prioritizing alone time. Open communication, independence, and self-care help you stay true to yourself while building a strong partnership.
Kara Francis is a relationship, Pre-Marriage, Marriage and Divorce coach in NYC serving clients in New York City or wherever you’re located. Kara Francis is a divorce lawyer turned Pre-Marriage, Marriage & Divorce Coach, as well as a divorce survivor. I help you feel clarity, confidence, and resilience in your relationship journey, no matter what it looks like. Let’s jump on a call to connect with each other and discuss how my services can be supportive for you!
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